“That’s alright because I like the way it hurts…that’s alright because I love the way you lie…”
WHAT MESSAGE are we SENDING!
The music video of Eminem’s song “Love The Way you Lie” ft. Rihanna eroticized domestic violence and justified abuse, sending the message that abuse can be sexy. Apparently sex, doe-eyed looks and gifts make up for psychological, physical and emotional harm.
In our class discussion, I found myself shocked by some of my classmates’ comments. Having experienced such violence and knowing other women who have, I was stunned that smart, generally tolerant individuals could excuse it on the basis that “she was violent too”.
Most troubling were suggestions that women “provoke” men into beating them, taking advantage of the societal norm that men aren’t “supposed” to react violently, and so “getting up in men’s faces” but counting on men not to resort to violence.
This is actually an example of RAPE CULTURE. Rape culture can be defined as “situations in which sexual assault, rape, and general violence are ignored, trivialized, normalized, or made into jokes. “I was provoked” is NEVER justification for domestic violence. “She got up in my face” is NEVER justification for domestic violence. It just isn’t.
The following article is one that I have shared with many people. It describes various circumstances in which rape culture is a reality for women every day:
http://while-you-were-sleeping.com/2014/02/04/rape-culture-cover-your-eyes/
This cannot deteriorate into a men versus women issue. The vast majority of the men I know do not, I believe, countenance these sorts of rationales for abuse. And let’s not forget, while women are usually the victims, men and boys are sometimes victims too. Rape culture is everyone’s issue.
References:
Definition of rape culture – http://www.everydayfeminism.com
racerepresentationengendered 